Books and Movies, Musings, Short

A Boring Character

I often find myself in a position of slight self pity because I don’t have an epic story. I have grown up in a Christian family, I was saved at a young age. I don’t have one of those dramatic testimonies. I am making peace with that. It’s a work in progress. The fact that even someone who isn’t all that bad still needs Jesus is what I have to keep reminding myself of.

But this lack of back-story has also made me frustrated for other reasons. If I were a character in a story, I would not get to be the one that goes off to battle, even though she is a woman. That is always a character that has some tragic back-story.

Eowyn was an orphan raised in her uncle’s court. She went through the pain of losing her parents and her cousin, having her brother exiled and seeing her uncle become poisoned and possessed. She was able to go off to war with the army. She did what no man could do.

Then I think of Maid Marian. In the BBC version of the story,  as the sheriff’s daughter, she was raised as a lady. She didn’t have rough life. It wasn’t until Robin left and Sir Guy took over that Marian became an interesting character. Nothing happened to her. She saw what was happening to others and acted. She took care of the townspeople. It wasn’t her own pain that provoked her to action, but someone else’s. She ended up saving lives and kicking some bad guy booty, all with no other reason other than that it needed doing. I could do that.

I just have to keep reminding myself that my story is just getting started. So far it hasn’t been very dramatic, but I’m not even 20 years into it yet. I can’t let this slow time get me stuck. There is a lot of time left for a good story.

Books and Movies, Musings

The End

You may not know this about me, I haven’t really talked about it much, but I have a love-hate relationship with endings. A good ending will leave me in a good mood for days. Whereas a bad one can make me mad at the world.

I like happy endings. The Guy get The Girl, the Baddie gets got, all is well in the world, and there is obviously more going to happen after you read the last page. It’s like, when you open a book you open a window to a different world. If, when you close the book, the world seems go on behind the pages, that is a good ending. Even though I don’t like books that are too realistic (unless very well written, like Scarlet Pimpernel or Kidnapped), I like an ending that is more like a beginning. Because that’s how life really is. It may be an ending of one part of life, but it goes on after that.

I finished a book like that last night. As always when you pick up a good book, you entered a new world. This time it was a world of books piled high, mysterious men, and scared little girls. There was no way of knowing who to trust, too many strange things were going on. It was wonderful. I often get sucked into books and forget that I am reading, in Inkheart it was so much more vivid. Like it was really happening. Some of the plotlines were predictable, but enough weren’t that it made everything suspect. If I ever do another What To Read list, Inkheart will most certainly be on it. The end felt more like a beginning. I guess that makes sense, since it is the first in a trilogy, but this was even more so than most I’ve read. It was enchanting.

I got another book from the library yesterday. It is one that I have been waiting for years to read. I have a habit of getting overly attached to series by dead authors. When I was around 10, I had just caught on to reading on my own and I went straight to “tough” books. Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, and A Wrinkle in Time. I stumbled through Jane Austin and slowly picked at Alcott, but I devoured Madeleine L’Engle. Even her name is more intriguing. After years of wanting to read the last book in the series, I found a copy of An Acceptable Time at the library. I got home and cried. How will it end? I almost don’t want to read it, just because then it won’t end. It reminds me of an exchange on The Shop Around the Corner:

Alfred Kralik (played by the dashing Jimmy Stewart): Pirovitch, did you ever get a bonus?

Pirovitch: Yes, once.

Alfred Kralik: Yeah. The boss hands you the envelope. You wonder how much is in it, and you don’t want to open it. As long as the envelope’s closed, you’re a millionaire.

I like how the BBC series, Robin Hood ended. I’ve heard so many people talk about how terrible it is, but I love it. Marian dies at the end of season two.  For a few fleeting moments they are wed, and she dies a beautiful death, in the arms of Robin. On the very last episode Robin dies too. He lies alone in the forest, and just as he begins to slip away, he sees Marian walking over the hill. Beautiful.

And then I wonder about my life. Part of me wants to have a dramatic and beautiful death. Actually, that part of me is a pretty big one. Something like Marian’s. But then, a nice quiet death after a life full of love and adventure sounds… nice. 

Musings

Live Dangerous

Lately I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. In there among the fandoms and random word obsessions, there is a good bit of deep, contemplative thinking. This is what makes it to my blog most of the time nowadays. I’m not sure what to make of this. I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

If you are new to my blog, but you know me in real life, you may be thinking you are on the wrong blog. There are very few people who I talk about this stuff with. You probably see me as the girl who is either the youngest in the room or the oldest. Quiet most of the time, and then randomly coming out with odd little things that don’t quite make sense. Or I might always be talking, but about things that really don’t matter that much or one of my fandoms. It kind of depends on where you know me from, but in either circumstance, you are probably pretty confused right now.

If you only know me from my blog, and you met me on the street, you would not recognise me. I’m not as introspective in everyday life as I am on here.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It feels kind of hypocritical. I’m two different people based on where you see me. But, this is who I am when I’m really me.

This really bothers me. I am a person who needs adventure and danger. I get weird when I am too safe for too long. I am an adrenaline junky. I love suspenseful movies and stories. I love rollercoasters. I love traveling.

But, I still fall into a rut of complacency. I don’t do anything radical. I get lazy and unintentional. I end up hurting people because of my carelessness.

I want to live dangerously. I want to do hard things. I want to be intentional. I want to be someone that people see as a profound thinker.

I write on here to work on being bold.  It’s not normal for me to share things like this, but I’m working on it. I want people to really know me.

Last Sunday I volunteered to lead the girls discussion in youth group. It was about the question of why we fellowship with other Christians. I love thinking about this kind of thing, but it usually just stays inside my head, or comes out my fingers to this blog. It was kind of weird, I had said I would do it before I realized what I was saying. It just kind of popped out. I was terrified, but I loved it. I attribute that spontaneity and boldness to my openness on my blog.

The fun person who talks about Doctor Who, Robin Hood and Lord Of The Rings is really me, but, like everyone, there’s more to me than that.

Musings

Life is Good

I have a lot to complain about.

I have a cold. I didn’t get as many chapters memorized as I wanted to this month. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a husband, boyfriend or even a potential boyfriend. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore. I’m not in school like most of my friends. I don’t really have all that many good friends. I don’t have a laptop or a car. Basically, I don’t have everything I want.

But, right now, I’m feeling really good about my life. I’m busy, but that means I don’t have time to be as lazy. I don’t have a job, per se, but I have childcare jobs pretty much every weekday. This is something I love doing and it’s the equivalent of a part-time job. I’m content in my singleness. Contentedness comes and goes, but for now, I’m happy. Nearly all my friends live really far away, and I don’t have very many, but the ones I do have are very precious to me. I’m saving money to get the material things I need, but they aren’t urgent needs. I have what I need for now.

I’m feeling really blessed. Blessed to live in a time and place where these things are attainable.

I was watching Robin Hood the other day. The episode featured an Abbot who was betraying Robin and his gang. No one could understand why he was lying about them and condemning them. He had been faithful in the past and stayed out of politics for the most part. Why was he suddenly misleading the people? The Sheriff had something that would ruin the Abbot of Kirklees, but what could be so precious that he would be so evil? For most of the episode I was thinking it must be some scandal that the Sheriff was threatening to expose. That’s how it usually goes. Then Friar Tuck has a little chat with the Abbot. This is bigger than scandal. It is heresy. The Abbot would be in deep jelly babies if this came to light.

Before I tell you what this blasphemous act was, I want you to remember what time this is. It is before around the Renaissance. This is a time of extreme superstition and dishonesty.

So what was the Abbot doing that was so wrong? He was translating the Bible to English. He had been translating the word of God into the language of the people for ten years.  And the Sheriff had his manuscript.

The story comes to its peak, the Abbot is still carrying on his charade, Robin and the gang are tied and about to burned at the stake. The flames are licking up the wood, Robin gets free and escape is eminent, but worthless unless the Abbot will retract his sentence. The Abbot knows Robin is a good man, so he tells the truth. The Sheriff throws the manuscript into the flames and the Abbot tries to retrieve his work. The show ends with a pair of bandaged hands holding a burnt page and a pen. “In the beginning…”

I know this is just a TV show, but I couldn’t help but tear up at the end. The lengths that these men went to get the Bible to the people is just something most of us take for granted. They were going against the church, the most powerful authority at the time. They were persecuted for spreading the Gospel.

It is amazing to me.

Sometimes I feel like I have a lot to complain about, but then God uses something as trivial as a TV show to make me so grateful. You know what? Life is good.