It’s been a while.
A lot has changed. I’m not writing from my parents basement; I have my own apartment (well, with roommates). My long hair is gone– and what’s left is purple at the moment. Last summer I worked out of state for an amazing theater company in West Virginia. I’ve got a new string of mental diagnoses, and I’m medicated and in specialized therapy for them. Oh, remember how lonely I was and how much I wanted to be in a relationship? That happened, er– is happening, and it’s hard and wonderful. Maybe I’ll write about that some day, but that would have to be a conversation with my partner first. That’s something to get used to; I’m no longer a free agent, but being with someone who loves you is so deeply freeing. Life’s a paradox.
After spending days on end unable to get out of bed, missing work and class, I finally realized that I need to use all the tools in my box, hence, the resurrection of this blog. Since my website crashed a few years ago, I haven’t really written or journaled much, even though it is one of my most cathartic outlets. Getting the thoughts out of my brain, whether by talking or writing, helps me to process them. Having them in a place where others can see helps me feel validated.
This blog has gone through so many phases. When I was young it was literally just cat pictures and what I had for lunch. Most of those posts are hidden. You really aren’t missing anything, the pictures probably don’t work anymore; they’ve been imported and exported so many times through so many platforms. The last phase was one of self discovery, and I’m so incredibly grateful to have it documented here. It’s a real life coming of age story, recorded in real time. However, this next phase will more structured.
Like any good millennial, after receiving the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder I took to the internet to find more information from people who live with the disorder. Every now and then I look again, but my searching still comes up with essentially nothing of value. There are a plenty of tumblr blogs and meme pages, but nothing of substance. Don’t get me wrong, I spend literal hours looking through memes. But there’s a lack of balanced, informative but personal content about what it’s actually like to live with BPD.
I mentioned this to my therapist a few weeks ago and she posited that I create my own content. So here I am. Not to be dramatic.