Poet Among Other Things

Contest Blame

Perhaps I’ll have an actual post eventually. For now, life is busy; school has started again and I’m heavily involved with some campus organizations doing great things, I’m working through some things and learning a lot about myself. I was reading through some old journal entries tonight and found this from a few weeks ago. The things you think of in the shower…

Contest; v. to argue against, dispute, call into question

Up far into the night
Try to sort through my heart
Try to still it’s restless churning
Still it doesn’t make sense
Though I try as I might
My whole soul feels as though it is burning

I lay out the pieces
Connect all the dots
Fit together a past for myself
It looks broken and shattered
And I bleed where it cuts
Is this really what’s best for my health

And how can I move on
I don’t know what is real
Scars as invisible as they are deep
But they still mar my soul
Break what’s left of my heart
Lose my mind as I also lose sleep

They shouldn’t still sting
It was all in your head
Says the shrill voice as it tries to shame me
Says my feelings aren’t real
Wrong for this reason or that
Causing more hurt with all of it’s blaming

It’s alright to hurt
It’s alright to feel
That sharp, impish voice is a lie
Sure some have it better
And some have it worse
But pain isn’t a race
You don’t have to be first

Memories; a life I left
I can’t remain the same
I must move on
Accept myself
Stop trying to place the blame

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